My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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