I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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