Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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