I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
