First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
