If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
