Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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