Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wear drunk well.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
