Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Randomize
