??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
