Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
