I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just cropdusted the office
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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