It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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