i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How external is "for external use only"?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
