Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
