tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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