im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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