I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
operation have a gay friend backfired
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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