I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
