Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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