o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
