So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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