So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
