So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
