Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
