I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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