your thong is hanging out like whoa
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
