Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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