i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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