my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
