I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
