I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
