i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
