respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
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we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize