you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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