the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
