i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
