Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
