69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
