I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize