I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
