So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize