Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
