why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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