sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
