TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
