Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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