Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
