Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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