I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
