he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Church boner. Awkwardddd
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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