I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
