He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
