Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
