yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
