I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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