Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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