So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
