We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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