TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
