She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do herpes really smell.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
