My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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