Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
