i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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