whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I could make wine with my vomit
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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