This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
