What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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