I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
