My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I love you. Go after that dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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