Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
