Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
